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He's in his second year of residency and we're talking about me leaving everything to get engaged and move up with him. The first time that happened could have been viewed as a warning sticker, and been your cue to exit stage right. If someone isn't dying then it is unlikely to be important. I am a fierce supporter of him and of his profession but at high cost to my own individuality. What part of SoCal are you in. I also expected that my spouse would be temple worthy and that I would get married in the temple, which was not the case. Take a breath, stop and think, is it worth destroying so many lives so you can step in and take the rewards after someone else does the hard work.
I know people should not get married if they can't accept each other as they are. Of course my parents love each other very much and would not choose another spouse, which is why her response caught me off guard. You can be very committed to someone but only be able to fit them in the limited free time you have. It's not fair to put words in her mouth and thoughts in her brain like this. Break up with her.